Over the years I have witnessed the
reactions of Christians to the terrible experience of being divorced from
their mate. In most of these cases their mate had participated in numerous
affairs and the faithful Christian tried but failed to restore their loved
one. They then applied the only scriptural grounds for divorce the Lord gave
and put away their unfaithful mate. “And I say to you, whoever divorces his
wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery;
and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.
(Matthew 19:9)”
While these Christians were indeed innocent of the breaking up their
marriage, they now had to face the very difficult task of rebuilding their
lives and seeking to heal their wounded spirit.
Regardless of the cause of the hurt, if it
be divorce, death, betrayal, or some other cause, this presents an
opportunity for Satan to take advantage of us in our hurt
(2 Cor 2:11).
This is a major challenge to our faith. Will we let our emotions and thus
our flesh direct us in the ways of the world or will we walk by faith? Will
you let God or your hurt lead you? The obvious choice is easy to recognize
but very difficult to practice.
Learn to
Give to God the Things You Cannot Change
Satan’s greatest success comes when a
Christian is overburdened. Over time he will seek relief from his burden
that often will involve sin. Jesus knows that we have a “load limit” and He
pleads with us to let Him carry the burden that we cannot. “Come to Me, all
you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke
upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will
find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. (Matthew
11:28-30)” Jesus gives us
responsibilities that we can handle! When we stay within the “yoke” given by
our Lord then our faith will grow and our wounded spirit will heal.
We need to apply a simple bit of wisdom and
distinguish between God’s bearable burden and the unbearable burdens we are
tempted to carry. This truth is well stated in this common quote: “"God
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to
change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." Consider this
short list of things that fall into this category. I cannot change: the
past, what is right and wrong, death, the weather, and many other things.
One other practical but major item is this, I cannot change another person
against their will. If you fail to recognize these things and then refuse to
give them to God, you will, in time, become a “burnt-out” disciple, full of
cynicism and doubt. Why not trust God and give these things to Him?
Learn to
Slam the Door on Self-Pity
Have you ever heard this children’s song:
“"Nobody loves me, everybody hates me. I'm going out and eat worms"? This is
a perfect description of one having a “pity-party.” Have you ever reasoned
like this: "People are talking about me. Nobody understands my feelings!
There is no one on earth who has suffered as me. Nobody cares. I do not
deserve this."? If so, then you are walking down the road of self-pity and
if you are not careful it will run and then ruin your life.
Great men of God at times struggled with
these feelings. Elijah, after a physically and emotionally exhausting day in
which he defeated the prophets of Baal, received word of a death threat from
Jezebel the queen
(1 Kings 19:1).
The emotions of Elijah caused him to flee into the wilderness and plea to
God for his own death. He then claimed that he was the only one left that
cared about God and there was no more need to try. “And he prayed that he
might die, and said, “It is enough! Now,
Lord,
take my life, for I am no better than my fathers! …
10So
he said, “I have been very zealous for the
Lord
God of hosts; for the children of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn
down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left;
and they seek to take my life.” (1
Kings 19:4b, 10) Elijah allowed his
emotions to create a “reality” that was not real. The Lord made sure that
the prophet got some food and a needed rest, and then proceeded to tell him
about the 7,000 who were faithful in Israel
(1 Kings 19:18).
God then sent him back to work!
Please resist the temptation to withdraw
and count all brethren as unfaithful because of your experience with certain
men. You must fight the temptation to conclude that you can read the minds
of others and thus write them off because of your “instincts.” In many ways
you will become just like the ones who hurt you in these kinds of
unrighteous judgments
(John 7:24).
When you withdraw from brethren that love you into the cold and isolated
world of self-pity, then things will only get worse. It has been said that
self-pity is a slow and very painful form of suicide.
Learn the
Power of Thanksgiving
When we open our eyes to what God has done
and is doing for us, then we will not make ourselves the “center of the
universe.” “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and
supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
7and
the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts
and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians
4:6-7)” Which will you choose --
thanksgiving or self-pity? The 3 “L’s” of self-pity are these: “What I have
Lost,
What I Lack,
and How I am Limited.”
So much of our disposition depends upon what we choose to focus on. As one
man related “I complained because I had no shoes until I met someone who had
no feet." In contrast the thankful man sees the blessings of God and speaks
with the apostle Paul saying: “For I consider that the sufferings of this
present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be
revealed in us. (Romans
8:18)”
A man of faith will be optimistic and full
strength. A Biblical faith will teach you how to deal with the issues of
life and especially how to overcome adversity. This stand will make you a
blessing in the lives of others rather than an isolated cynic. Do you really
believe in God? It is my prayer that you will let your thoughts become
conformed to God’s thoughts. “And do not be conformed to this world, but be
transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what
is
that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. (Romans
12:2)”