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This Stuff Doesn't Belong "Under the Table"

by Tim Nichols

Christians are people.  There is nothing profound in this statement, but it is a simple truth that we seem to sometimes forget.  People have feelings.  They respond emotionally to the thoughts they have concerning what goes on around them.  Christians are people who have been placed in relationship with one another by God the Father when they obeyed the gospel.  Perfect strangers, people who speak other languages and observe different customs become our brothers and sisters in Christ.  City dwellers become spiritual siblings with country hayseeds.  Scholars are yoked with the unlearned.  Every conceivable personality type is brought into a family that contains every other personality type.  Many bring with them cherished and long-held opinions.  All have varying degrees of Bible knowledge.

Sometimes, as all of these factors collide, anger is generated, feelings are hurt, and difficult issues arise between brothers and sisters in God's family.  Ignoring those issues will not help.  They will only tend to grow larger.  Distorting them will only cause harm.  Pretending that they do not exist will only lead to confusion and to further hurt.  Leaving them under the table is never the course of action prescribed by the Great Physician.  There is always a Divinely-prescribed next step to take from the position you now occupy in the direction of resolution.

God provides us with instructions concerning how to deal with real and imagined offenses.  His instructions are not difficult to understand.  For many, however, they seem to be difficult to practice.  Men have come up with various alternatives that they seem to believe are better than what God has directed.  They have made the commandment of God of no effect by their traditions (Matthew 15:6). 

Walking by faith, though, involves doing what God has taught us to do in spite of what others or we, ourselves, might otherwise think.  He is wiser than we are and His ways are always the right ways.  Let's try to openly examine these matters in light of what the scriptures have to say about them.

Some issues can best be resolved in the privacy of your own mind.  Your own discipline of mind can help you to discover the difference between real sins in the life of your brother and unfair judgments that you have made.  When you carefully examine the "issue" that is troubling you, you may find that you have made an unfair judgment of another.  If you cannot identify a Biblically-defined sin that he or she has actually done, then you are probably guilty of unfair judgment (Matthew 7:1-5, Romans 14:1-13).  If you can genuinely repent of your intolerance and lack of charity, then the issue can be resolved without ever confronting anyone other than the mirror.  By this scriptural means you can quietly remove it from under the table.

A preaching brother recently spoke approvingly of leaving such matters under the table and dealing with brethren with such matters lurking beneath the surface.  He likened it to a loan officer in a bank denying a loan to a patron on the basis of one of the directors having a feeling that he is a "flake".  Rather than telling the man that his loan has been denied be-cause of his "flakiness", some other reason is given.  The brother making this analogy seemed to feel that this is a wise approach for Christians to take with reference to one another. 

It may be that I missed something in what he was attempting to say, but it is still the case that Christians have no right to judge their brethren to be "flakes" in the absence of "flaky" behavior that can be identified by some scripture that calls it "flaky".  If you harbor ill-will toward a brother in Christ because you have decided that he is a "flake" (or a "fool", "moron", "idiot", "nincompoop", "blockhead", "jerk", "knuckle head", "numskull", "nitwit", or "simpleton") without a clear view of the Biblically-defined offense that he has committed, it is probably an issue that you need to resolve within yourself.

Some issues can only be resolved by confronting the offender.  When you honestly and carefully examine the "issue" that is troubling you, you may find that your brother or sister is engaged in sin.  You cannot rightly resolve this in your own mind.  His or her soul is at stake.  The sin is causing difficulty within and bringing reproach upon the family of God.  You have a duty to confront the sinner with his sin (Proverbs 24:24-26, Luke 17:3, 4, Ephesians 5:11).  If the nature of the sin is such that it is known only between the two of you, it may be resolved without others ever knowing that an issue existed.  If the sin was real and the heart of the offender is right, then his repentance will end the matter (Luke 17:3, 4, Psalm 141:5, Proverbs 10:17, 12:1, 29:1, 15:5, 25:12).  The matter is removed from under the table with only two mortals knowing that it had been there. 

When this is not the result, sometimes the sinner will need to be confronted by the church (Matthew 18:15-17).  If he can be encouraged to repent, the matter will be resolved and removed from under the table with the whole church benefiting from the process of having its faith tested and demonstrated
(1 Corinthians 5:1-13, 2 Corinthians 2:3-11).

Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.  Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted (Galatians 5:26-6:1).

Now I myself am confident concerning you, my brethren, that you also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another (Romans 15:14).

Let love be without hypocrisy.  Abhor what is evil.  Cling to what is good.  Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.... Do not be wise in your own opinion.  Repay no one evil for evil.  Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.  If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.  Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord.  'Therefore if your enemy hungers, feed him; If he thirsts, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fine on his head.'  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good (Romans 12:9-21).

Some issues can only be resolved by the withdrawal of fellowship.  When a child of God refuses to repent of his sins after having been repeatedly admonished by brethren who care, he is to be denied fellowship by the church (Matthew 18:17).  As difficult and unpleasant as this step may seem, it is right and helpful for all concerned.  It moves the matter from under the table and places it on the table for all to see.  It can no longer remain hidden and have its ugly effect upon the body of Christ.  It is acknowledged by all and resolved in a manner that is pleasing to God.  Every child of God participating in it can be pleased to have obeyed God under trying conditions. 

The greatest hope concerning the sinner is that he will now see his sins acknowledged by all and come to see the need to repent and to correct himself.  To leave them under the table is to deny him the God-given right to have them thus exposed for his benefit.  Leaving them under the table would lead to his being lost without the God-ordained right to be fully encouraged to repent.

Several human traditions and practices, though, have replaced what God has ordained. Ingenious methods are sometimes used to "deal" with both real and imagined issues without really getting them out from under the table. The notion that "the truth is often irrelevant when dealing with people issues" is only wise in human eyes.  God has revealed that the truth is always relevant
(1 Thessalonians 5:21)! The following tactics may seem natural and they may seem wise to some.  But they are wrong.

Some carry feelings of malice and ill-will for many years.  They wait for their chance to catch their target doing something that others would agree is wrong.  Some seem to work hard to create more plausible problems than the one under the table and then accuse or insinuate that the "target" is guilty of these.  Some whisper imagined, exaggerated, or real problems to others and hope that they will attack the "target". 

Sometimes brethren pretend to have settled it by leaving as much as possible under the table and coming up with something else to "settle". One brother actually admitted to me that he had pretended to repent of wrongs that he had not committed so the other party could be encouraged to make a statement that he had repented! He proudly said, "I have groveled before brethren and repented of many things that I did not do!"  What nonsense!  We are made to wonder if the angels in heaven pretend to rejoice at such times!  There is no value in sweeping a matter from under the table to under a rug!  The rug is still a dishonest hiding place and the big lump will yet cause brethren to stumble if it is not removed.

Basic honesty requires that we refrain from such tactics and the principle of faith demands that we do what God has taught us to do.

If you are aware of any issues that are lingering under the table, please consider your duty.  Is it your issue alone that can be resolved in your own mind?  Is it an issue that is known only between you and another party (and God)?  Is it an issue that may require the help of a few brethren who can establish every word?  Is it an issue that needs to be brought before the church now that all other options have been exhausted?  Any issue that is under the table does not belong there.  God has given directions for the next step toward resolving it.  No matter what seems to be the thing to do and no matter what advice men may give you, walk by faith and not by sight.

Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus, that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Therefore receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God
(Romans 15:5-7).

For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.  For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'  But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another! (Galatians 5:13-15).

And may the Lord make you increase and abound in love one to another and to all, just as we do to you, so that He may establish your hearts blameless in holiness before our God and Father at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ with all His saints (1 Thessalonians 3:12, 13).

But concerning brotherly love you have no need that I should write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another (1 Thessalonians 4:9).

Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing
(1 Thessalonians 5:11).

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to have a walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:1-3).

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.  And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you (Ephesians 4:31, 32).

But now you must also put off all these:  anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.  Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him.... Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.  But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.  And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful (Colossians 3:8-15).

  Other Articles by Tim Nichols
Thoughts About the Difference Between Character and Reputation
Fault-Finding and Righteous Judgment are Poles Apart